Bond Pretitle Sequences: Thunderball
Simon Pitt |
Tuesday 20th August
Iâ€™m watching all of the Bond pre-credit teasers one after another.
Iâ€™ve often wondered what the line â€œhe strikes, like Thunderball,â€ means. Tom Jones apparently didnâ€™t know either and asked the songwriter. But even he didnâ€™t know, which makes me feel a bit better. Apparently, Tom Jones then sang a really high note and passed out. I suspect this didnâ€™t happen immediately afterwards, but I like to think it did, and that the producers just sat there shaking their head at Jones, saying â€œThatâ€™ll teach him to ask silly questions.â€ And then puffed away on their cigars. Iâ€™m not sure I really have a very realistic view of the film industry.
â€œWeird Alâ€ Yankovic parodies this bit of trivia (and Bond title sequences generally) in Spy Hard. Apparently, itâ€™s quite a famous fact; famous enough that comedy song writers are parodying it. In the Spy Hard titles, he holds a note for a ridiculously long time. And then his head explodes.
By the way if you walked in late
Although this is Conneryâ€™s fourth outing as Bond, itâ€™s the first time heâ€™s done the gun barrel walk. I hate to say this, but Connery isnâ€™t very good at it. His leg wobbles, he sticks his arm out and he nearly falls over. Jesus. All heâ€™s doing is turning round. So much for his â€œcat-like graceâ€. Previously, stunt man Bob Simons has done the gun barrel sequence instead of Connery. Iâ€™m not sure in what way this classed as a stunt. I guess he jumped before he fired. But no one asked him to do that. Talk about making work for yourself.
Allow me to reiterate
The name of this Movie is Spy Hard
They call it Spy Hard...
Thunderball opens on a Coffin, with the initials JB on it. Itâ€™s a strange foreshadowing of You Only Live Twice, when Bond is â€œkilledâ€ in the opening sequence. Bondâ€™s funeral, though, is a much less extravagant affair than this. If Iâ€™m honest, this looks more like the sort of coffin Roger Mooreâ€™s Bond would have.
It occurred to me, when I was watching this, that the initials JB are strangely popular among action heroes. James Bond, of course, but Jack Bauer from 24 and Jason Bourne, too, from the Bourne films. At the time, this felt like quite a significant observation, but Iâ€™m been left pondering what it could mean. Maybe Justin Bieber is secretly a spy.
We pan up from the coffin and see Bond overlooking the coffin. â€œRather him than me,â€ Connery says. Bond is disappointed that he didnâ€™t kill Jacques Bouvar himself. Outside, the funeral French agent smiles coyly at him. â€œIs there anything else we can do for you, Monsieur Bond.â€ Even a funeral doesnâ€™t dampen in the mood. Does the man ever get any peace?
Connery looks rather embarrassed to suggest it. â€œUm, later perhaps,â€ he says. It seems like being as attractive as Bond is can be a real drag.
On the subject of drag, Bouvarâ€™s wife returns home only to find Bond waiting for her. â€œIâ€™ve come to offer my sincere condolences,â€ Bond says, and then punches her.
The punch comes out of nowhere. We know Conneryâ€™s Bond is prepared to hit women (or strangle them with their bras), but punching grieving widows is a bit much, even for a blunt instrument. â€œMy dear Colonel Bouvar,â€ Bond says, revealing that it isnâ€™t Mrs Bouvar at all. Bouvar has faked his own death and disguised himself as his wife.
The strange thing is, â€œMrsâ€ Bouvar has great legs. The reason for this is because she is played by someone with great legs: Rose Alba. She only switches to a man at the last minute.
Bob Simmons, famous for playing Bond in the gun barrel walk, becomes Colonel Bouvar. He didnâ€™t get to do this barrel walk (for the first time), because Connery did it himself. Itâ€™s nice to see heâ€™s still there in the pre-credit sequence though.
Itâ€™s a strange fight. It has everything youâ€™d expect: china being thrown, a clock being pushed over, a slide across the carpet and so on. Connery seems slightly confused though. He keeps acting casually as if Bouvar has been knocked out and the fight is over, only to find out itâ€™s still going on. At one point, he reaches casually down, and Bouvar rolls out of the way and hits him with a poker.
Bond kills Bouvar just as the guards arrive. Heâ€™s about to make good his escape, but cheekily, canâ€™t resist throwing a pot over flowers over the body. Itâ€™s a bit unnecessary this, and makes his whole escape much harder.
Luckily, though, Bond has a jetpack.
I just want to stress this again. Itâ€™s 1965, and Bond has a jetpack. Iâ€™m writing this in 2013, and I donâ€™t have a jetpack. Even more amazingly, itâ€™s a real jetpack. It was originally designed for military use, and so, of course, was given a silly technical name: SRLD (Small Rocket Lift Device). The plan was for Bond to fly without a helmet, because apparently that was cooler. But the stunt man refused to do so, and so Connery straps on a helmet. I actually think this is better; it gives a sense of real danger. Many people thought this was an effect. Partly because Connery is clearly in front of a screen just before take-off: the film grade abruptly changes. But it isnâ€™t an effect. A stunt man really does fly a jetpack.
Itâ€™s one of the most famous moments from the early Connery films. And sets up a pattern of Bond pulling out unbelievable gadgets to escape. The closest successor is the tiny plane in Octopussy. Again, they really built that.
The landing cuts rather abruptly. Even more bizarrely, Connery then gets into his Aston Martin and it wonâ€™t start. I find this a bit weird. Does his car often break down? You wouldnâ€™t think Aston Martin would be very happy either: â€œthe car that breaks down when you need it mostâ€.
Luckily it has a bullet proof screen and a water cannon in the back, and the splashing water dissolves into the titles.
You have to wonder if Bond gets the idea of a fake funeral from Bouvar, since in the next film, You Only Live Twice, he tries this trick himself. We see patterns a bit like this a few times in Bond films. One of the suggestions in On Her Majestyâ€™s Secret Service was that Bond had plastic surgery, something that Blofeld has done to his minions, and something the villains do in Thunderball. Is Bond just nicking ideas from his enemies?
Name Rank and Number
I think he got the Point
- â€œThe coffinâ€¦ it has your initials on it, JB,â€ the French agent says. Good observation, I bet 007 would have never worked that out himself.
- â€œIs there anything else our French station can do for Monsiuer Bond?â€ she asks.
Do all those vodka martinis silence the screams of all the men you've killed?
- â€œNo well-dressed man should be without one.â€ Bond quips about his jetbpack
- Not quite a joke, but Bond throws the flowers onto the body. Bond makes a habit of doing things at the last minute before leaving the room. Later on he eats a grape and then leaves.
Listen Carefully 007
- Bond kills Colonel Bouvar by strangling him with a poker.
Perfect for relaxing after a hard day at the office
- â€œJacques Bouvar murdered two of my colleagues.â€ Bond says. Bouvar is a Spectre agent we find out after the titles. Spectre #6.
SP will returnâ€¦
- Bond has a jetpack.
- He also has a few gadgets in his car. A bullet proof shield at the back, and two water cannons. Sadly, it looks like Q branch is running before they can walk. The car canâ€™t even start. I assume after the pre-title sequence is over, Bond gets out and pushes. Or maybe he thumbs a lift.